I won't be your friend

September 8, 2015

Last Monday teachers had to report to their classrooms with a week of long prep days accompanied by meetings. I reported to Nana duty at a new location. The littles and their parents having just moved into a lovely new home. The new house is larger, one story, has a partially fenced yard complete with play structure. Best of all for me, the laundry room is right next to the kitchen. YAY!! The little’s old house was a classic 100 year-old bungalow complete with washer and dryer in the basement and bedrooms upstairs of course.  Last year I felt I caught a break on days when nobody wet the bed.

The littles have grown like littles do. Last September they were an infant, almost three year old and kindergartener. This year the infant is right there with the big boys, in the midst of it all. He has watched them so closely, now he is on the move. The eldest is more than ready for first grade as he got slightly bored by the end of each day last week.

The almost four year old is, well, himself, only more so. When I responded to a request with an emphatic “NO”, without skipping a beat he said, “I won’t be your friend.” My first thought was my automatic parental default, learned from my mother. Something I was told long ago but I think at an age quite beyond three. “I’m not supposed to be your friend. If I was your friend I wouldn’t be doing my job!”

And then, my next thought was how quickly do we learn that withholding love, threatening emotional cut off is the way to hurt? Rejection by one dear to us is pretty tough to take . No matter what our age. I certainly didn’t take the threat seriously. Actually, it made me smile. But, it did give me pause. I have been reflecting on this ever since.

And then, my next thought was how quickly do we learn that withholding love, threatening emotional cut off is the way to hurt? Rejection by one dear to us is pretty tough to take . No matter what our age. I certainly didn’t take the threat seriously. Actually, it made me smile. But, it did give me pause. I have been reflecting on this ever since.